Day 16 of 2010
Song: Dreamer by My Favorite Highway
Mood: Awesome

It’s been awhile since I have updated this. Haha. Well, things are going a lot better. I need to learn to stay optimistic through situations like that.

Anyway, work is great. I am strictly on a day shift schedule now. No more overnights. (: Really excited about that. I start school on Tuesday and I am so excited about it. <3

I am going to Austin next weekend with one of my friends to see Disco Curtis. As mad as I have been at one of them, it will be good to finally see them again. I miss those boys. It will be good to get out of this house for a few days.

Day 8 of 2010
Song: Yellow Brick Road by Eminem
Mood: Better

Today was a better day than it has been. Work wasn’t as bad as I though it would be and I’m starting to get along with people better there. I’ve started putting back some money. I’m not sure what for, but at least it’s there when I need it. I bought my school stuff today. That made me kind of happy. I’m excited to be going back. Heather is coming over tonight for a girls night. I’ve missed her. I’m fighting with Flo, but what else is new? I saw Alec tonight. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until then. I’ve been missing a lot of people lately, but I have no idea why. At least today I was able to laugh a couple of times. It felt good. (:

Day 7 of 2010
Song: What Are You Waiting For by My Favorite Highway
Mood: …….

I’m tired of a lot of stuff. I’m tired of people telling me that they are my best friend, but they don’t act like it. I’m tired of people only wanting to be best friends with “Happy Brittany” I can’t be that person all the time. I have my faults. I have tears I need to cry, but those tears need people to catch them. I need people there for me. I’m tired of bottling it all up all the time. I’m sick of depending on music to make me feel better. I can’t do that my whole life. I’m tired of hating myself. I’m hoping this all gets better soon, because I cannot deal with it anymore. It’s wearing me down.

Day 6 of 2010
Song: Bigger Than Love by My Favorite Highway
Mood: Blah

I have been in a funk lately, and I want out of it. I’ve been listening to music constantly though. It’s like therapy for me I guess. Lol. I’m just tired of lies, fights, and let downs. I’m tired of letting people down. I want to make someone proud of me at some point. I want to be called beautiful at least once. I’m tired of not feeling good enough. I’m tired of being sad.

I will be happy at some point this year.

Day 5 of 2010
Song: Miles Don’t Mean Anything by Eye Alaska
Mood: Awesome (:

I have missed days 3 and 4, I apologize. On day 3, I spent most of it with my aunt, slept and went to work overnight. Day 4, I slept all day long. It felt great. Lol. Then went to work overnight. It’s early on day 5, but it’s already been a fantastic day. A homeless guy came into work saying he was hungry, so I bought him a burrito. When I handed it to him, he started crying. It made me feel so good inside, I can’t explain. You could tell how much it meant to him. I have decided that’s what I want to do this year, make as many people happy as I possibly can. I think that it would be an amazing feeling at the end of the year knowing that I did that. School starts soon, I am completely excited about that.

Tanner and the boys finally announced to everyone that they were signed. I knew this already, but hearing them announce it to everyone just made it that much better. I am so proud of those boys and all they have accomplished. I know they are going to do great things. I’m just scared about how much harder it is going to be to keep in contact with them. It’s hard enough talking to Tanner as it is. I’m sure it will all work out for the best though. (:

I miss everyone more and more lately. I keep wanting to get in my car and drive to Dallas, but I know that isn’t possible. I miss it there. I miss everything about it. Mostly, my friends.

The nightmares are still really bad. I’m hoping that they will go away soon. I’m tired of replaying that night over and over in my head. I want to move past it. I know it will take awhile, but I am determined to make it happen.

That’s my life for now. (: I’m happy and content with it. Haha. Time to clean the house, work on some street team stuff, and go to sleep. Love you.

Day 2 of 2010
Song: Who I Am by Nick Jonas
Mood: Eh

Today was just not a good day. Fighting with my aunt, and nightmares every time that I closed my eyes. Not something I would like to celebrate about. I’m missing home more than usual today and just want to be there right now. I just want everything to pick up in my life and become something good. Today I watched “The Blind Side” It is such an incredible story and so inspiring. I was crying through most of it. Michael Oher is such an amazing guy. To wrap up my day, I am going to watch a couple of more movies and then go back to sleep. Hopefully no nightmares this time.

Day 1 of 2010
Song: Comfortably Confused by I See Stars
Mood: Tired and Anxious

New Years Eve opened my eyes to a lot and made me realize that there are a lot of changes I am going to need to make in the year ahead. I’m excited and scared all at the same time. Going back to school is definitely in the cards for me. As for what I want to go to school for, that’s still undecided.